My ADHD Diagnosis

The past while has been a lot to process, as I was diagnosed with predominantly inattentive ADHD. A friend suspected it, but I don’t think what she said really sank in. It was a condition I knew very little about until now.

There are three presentations of ADHD: predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, or combined.

As a child, I used to play outside regularly when I was not at school. I ate home-cooked meals, and there was no technology or computer screens. Lifestyle cannot be blamed for my ADHD. Genetics play a large part.

My inattentive ADHD was likely missed as I wasn’t disruptive in class. I sat in the classroom where I was quiet, and I was always dreaming out the window and not doing my schoolwork. I developed coping and masking strategies that hid my difficulties from everyone around me.

I have got to a stage in my life where I started perimenopause and developed a health problem that led to me not coping as well as before, which has likely led to my diagnosis. For women, hormonal stages of life, such as perimenopause and menopause, can aggravate ADHD symptoms.

Noisy Brain

One reason I thought that I might have ADHD is my noisy brain. I am not sure if everyone with ADHD experiences this, but I do. My mind is full of thoughts. This can be a good thing, with an endless supply of ideas in my head. I use my thoughts to be creative. I write them down in my notepad app on my phone so I can remember them and use them later. I have to grab the ideas before they are gone, so writing them down helps.

I experience small musical loops, moving quickly between different thoughts, and internal narration of what I have said to people in the past, as well as planning what I will say in future conversations.

I have a constant push towards novelty, and my autism seeks predictability, so I want stimulation and stability at the same time, and it’s something I never noticed before because it is subtle. It is a way of life for me.

Focus

I love to read, but I didn’t enjoy it until technology came along. Focusing on large amounts of text was so difficult. I use text-to-speech or Assistive Reader (what the update is called) to read my books on Kindle, my phone or my iPad. I am a fluent reader, and the Assistive Reader reads the text aloud for me, and I can follow each word and absorb what is written.

Using Assistive Reader was the reason I managed to pass my degrees, and it was essential for my studies. Before this, I used to highlight text as I read. It kept me in the right place when I was reading, but it was not as effective as Assistive Reader, because it was much slower, and it didn’t always help me focus.

Focusing on long conversations can be difficult. My mind drifts in and out of the conversation. It is not predictable or voluntary; it just happens.

When I was at school, I never managed to finish my homework. However, the strange thing is that I can hyperfocus on things that really interest me, and I can work on them for hours without a break; once I start, it can be difficult to stop. I use this to my full advantage, and I can be very productive. On the other hand, I have to watch that it doesn’t burn me out, so I have to set a time limit to stop.

Distractions

I get easily distracted by my surroundings. The slightest noise takes my mind away from what I am doing. When I am working on an important task, I remove all external noise (if possible) that could distract me and cause my mind to wander from what I am doing, such as working in a quiet room. I find white noise and nature sounds helpful when I prefer having background noise.

Remembering, Keeping Track of Items and Organisation

I keep everything important in the same place, so it is routine, and I can find it more easily. I did write about this in an earlier post.

When I come home, my keys are always put back in my bag, and my bag is on my bedroom desk, nowhere else. I keep my diary open and leave it on my desk, so I can clearly see it every day. Items at home have their places, and I do not like them moved. If I need to take something for the next day that I might forget, I put it right in front of my door.

I manage to complete tasks by doing them a little bit at a time. If I have to fill in a form, I do it in small sections, and this helps me not only finish but also start, so it is not so overwhelming. I also use this when I procrastinate about starting an activity, even if it is something I really enjoy. Once I finally start, I can get to work on completing the task, even if it takes a long time.

I am great at writing lists because I know what I am supposed to do. However, I discovered that I don’t always follow through and do what I have written down. They sometimes just sit there unused, but I feel they are there if I need them, and I can start doing one task on the list at a time.

I do not like travelling, because the organisation and planning are stressful. When I am off work, a holiday for me is time at home doing the things I enjoy.

Managing Time

I struggle to estimate how long it will take me to complete a task. When I am under pressure that I am going to be late for an appointment, pressure helps me to get there on time. Things often start well, but I slowly fall back into bad habits once I feel relaxed, and it becomes part of my regular routine.

For me, fear improves my timekeeping, but it is not good to have to do everything through stress and anxiety. I hate being late or missing when I am supposed to be somewhere.

Sleep

I never slept well as a baby, and I was told I cried a lot. Now, I do sleep, but I am a very light sleeper. The slightest noise wakes me up. When I am off work, I prefer going to bed later as I am very productive in the evenings.

I often feel tired at irregular times of the day when I shouldn’t. However, I do manage to sleep at night. I listen to sensory nature sounds or sound baths before I settle for the night.

Image by Karin Henseler from Pixabay

Final Thoughts

Before I was diagnosed, I didn’t believe I had ADHD. Now I know I do. ADHD and autism have a lot of overlapping traits. Life can be an uphill struggle, but despite my difficulties, I am very interested in the world around me. I always want to learn new things and develop my skills, as I am very curious. I have interests I have had for a long time, and I love the challenge of starting something new. I am also good at problem-solving. ADHD can be managed with or without medication. It is about what works best for the person involved, as there is no right or wrong way, and strategies can be effective.

We cannot pathologise every human trait, but professionals who assess these conditions know when they cross a certain threshold. This means they are persistent, more intense than peers, occur in multiple settings, are difficult to control, and are impairing. I might never be able to separate which traits are autism and which are ADHD, as there is so much overlap. It is not always clear-cut. Someone couldn’t be officially diagnosed with both until 2013.

I will not always know my everyday traits that everyone experiences from time to time, but I can share my life experiences, having been diagnosed with both conditions.

I don’t know what it is like to be neurotypical because I have always had a neurodivergent brain, so I cannot compare. I don’t know what it is like to be in someone else’s head who does not have autism and ADHD.

Having autism and ADHD together is a real challenge, as I need a lot of systems in place and checking to help me manage through the day, but on the flip side, they can work well together, such as the autistic routines helping with organisation in ADHD.

It has taken me a long time to learn all this. ADHD and autism are conditions that I will not grow out of or cure, and I will always have them. Neurodivergent people do not always present the same way, and we also have our own personalities.

The more I learn about myself, the more I understand. Education removes ignorance about neurodiversity and what can be done to improve lives, such as providing support rather than discrimination.

I always have positivity, hope, and a little sense of humour. This is what keeps me in balance, which is important. I am working towards making my life more productive. It doesn’t make up for what I have been through all these years, but understanding myself is a starting point for moving forward and putting things right.

There are a lot of sources below, but they might be an interesting read.