I love writing, which I can do very well, and I have excelled in music. These are the subjects I enjoy today. However, school was not an easy time in my life. It was about bullying, anxiety, humiliation and isolation.

Image by Mazaya Bulan from Pixabay

Selective Mutism

At nursery and in my first year of school, I did not speak to my teachers or peers. I spoke at home but not outside the home. It was called selective mutism, which is common in children with autism and can also be present in children without autism.

I was sent to a lady; she was maybe a school counsellor, but I am not sure what her title was, to find out why I was not speaking at school. Playing with two dolls, I remember filling them with water and watching the water stream out the bottom of the dolls. They did not conclude what was going on with my mutism at that appointment.

One day, the teacher refused to let me go home from school until I told her what I had drawn in a picture. I remember trying so hard to get my words out, and eventually it came out as, ‘I want my mummy’. I am not sure if this was the best way to deal with this, but that is what happened.

I remember the next day all the children took turns to say hello, and I said hello back, but I felt like an idiot. It was like I was part of some strange experiment with doctors looking on and taking notes. It was not a pleasant experience, and I still remember it today.

Surviving School

I remember walking around the school field on my own at every break time and lunchtime or standing at the school front door because I did not know how to get the other children to play with me.

Another situation I hated was when our teacher made us calculate a sum, and if we got it right, we got to leave the classroom and go home. She would ask us one at a time, and I remember my pulse racing while waiting for my turn to come around. When it did, I frantically tried to calculate the sum on my fingers, but not being able to do it fast enough, so she moved onto someone else, and I wasn’t able to go. Eventually, I was the last one in the classroom, and she asked me another sum and waited until I could calculate the right answer. Teachers really knew how to humiliate you then. There was also a situation with a teacher shouting at me about working out a sum on the blackboard, and the more she shouted, my brain just shut down and I couldn’t focus.

The same was with physical education. When we had to pick our teams, I was always the last to be picked by my classmates. Nobody wanted me on their team because I wasn’t good at sports.

I hated the reading corner. I can read, but because I am not good at focusing on reading a book that I was not very interested in, it took me so long to read it.

I was never disruptive or noisy in the classroom. I was a dreamer though, and I remember sitting staring out the window and not doing my schoolwork.

However, when I went to secondary school, I made a group of friends that helped me through those years.

The Difference Between Neurodivergence and Laziness

Neurodivergent people are not lazy, but it is about how we perform tasks and process information. The challenges are in attention difficulties, sensory processing, social interactions, and executive function. It is about how the brain is wired and challenges across various settings, not just in one setting. There is also a lot of shame and embarrassment that goes along with these difficulties.

However, laziness is about those who lack willpower, motivation and desire, who often avoid work or challenges that they could do perfectly well. They are unwilling to put in the effort, and it is about choice, and it is not long term, but voluntary and about attitude or state of mind. Sometimes people weaponise incompetence to get out of doing certain things.

Was I Stupid?

The answer to this question is no. Neurodivergent people have areas we are not so good at doing and areas we excel in very well. Sometimes we excel in these areas better that people who do not have a neurodivergence. Society needs to understand and change negative stereotypes and work to help overcome these challenges. There is such a thing as neurodivergent talent, so we can all be part of society, and neurodivergent people can bring unique strengths to the workplace.

Sources:

Selective mutism – NHS

What is the Difference Between Selective Mutism and Autism? – Selective Mutism Association

UNICEF Manager’s Guide – Neurodivergent Talent – June 2025.pdf.pdf

Neurodivergence and the Myth of Laziness | Psychology Today

Weaponized Incompetence: What It Is and How It Impacts Relationships